Well hello. We’re back after another one of Broad City‘s intermittent 1-week hiatuses, and we’re revisiting a theme from the season premiere in which a good day and a bad day happen simultaneously. Unfortunately for those of us who are squeamish about tiny indestructible bugs that chew your skin and eat your life, the bad day in this episode involves bed bugs.
But before that particular revelation comes to light, we open on Ilana and Abbi cruising the frozen streets of NYC in the sleek blue convertible Ilana inherited from her grandmother a few weeks ago, and they feel on top of the world. They own this city! But after some very long period of time and much accumulation of frost in their hair and eyelashes, the girls are still unable to find a parking spot. As their desperate frustration peaks, they finally park the car in front of a fire hydrant and leave the keys on the seat, abandoning it to either be towed or stolen; it doesn’t matter, as long as it’s not their burden anymore. And let me say, as a person who drives a car in a city as part of their day job, this solution seems tempting sometimes, so this scene really resonated with me.
ANYWAY. Abbi is still unemployed, scraping together what she can from bottle redemption and attempting to return the expired Dunkaroos she bought from her local bodega. This is when we meet the first of several fantastic side-characters in this episode: Massouma, the daughter of the bodega owners (but really she runs the place). She tells Abbi that literally all Dunkaroos are expired because they’re from the 90s, and she can’t return them.
While Abbi is feeling close to rock-bottom, Ilana is using her piles of cash from Sushi Mambo to buy gifts for everyone: a puppy for Lincoln, a refurbished iPad for Eliot (the least-loved member of her squad, apparently), a $1300 handbag for Abbi (because of undying devotion and love), and a bicycle for Jaime. When she gives Abbi the bag, Abbi at first refuses to accept such an expensive gift, but Ilana insists that Abbi needs to dress for success in order to go out on the job hunt with confidence, and this bag will help her do just that. So Abbi reluctantly accepts, and it works—her day turns all the way around.
While strutting down the streets of New York, Abbi feels powerful in her blue dress (not that blue dress, but a denim one with buttons) and her fancy-ass handbag. She is given a single rose, has her photo taken, and catches a dude scratching at his genitals “because of the bag.” She arrives at Anthropologie, which she sees as a mecca, and nails a job interview with the manager aka Cynthia Erivo (!!).
Ilana, however, is not having the same kind of day. She arrives home with Jaime’s bicycle, excited to give it to him and continue her day of frivolous giving, only to find Jaime crouched fully clothed in the shower, crying. Yes, he says, it’s true: they have bedbugs. Ilana lifts the covers off of her bed to reveal a truly disgusting blackened mattress and this viewer immediately starts itching.
Who you gonna call to deal with bedbugs? Lea DeLaria! She shows up with her ghostbuster-backpack full of pesticide and locates the source of the infestation: Ilana’s sack of cash, which now needs to be burned. Turns out, one of her fellow servers at Sushi Mambo was running a brothel out of the place after hours and it (along with everyone who worked there) is infested too. Goodbye, cash money.
Ilana calls her brother, mother, and boyfriend, but none of them will let her come over while her apartment is fumigated. Meanwhile, Abbi’s day goes downhill again: she is mugged by Steve Buscemi, who gives her a lecture on living within her means and steals the $300 she had in her bank account and the world’s most expensive purse before being chased off by a shotgun-wielding Massouma. Because not only is she funny and smart, she’s a badass. She takes her job very seriously, and she knows her rights, she tells Abbi as they share sour straws and bond.
Then Ilana shows up at the bodega door, because Massouma texted her to let her know Abbi was there (Massouma and Ilana go way back). Abbi agrees without hesitation to let Ilana stay at her place, but her entire body needs to be sealed in plastic bags. Side note, this would be a great Halloween costume.
When Abbi shows up for her new job at Anthropologie, she’s really excited about the creative opportunities for window displays and fashion, but Cynthia Erivo hands her a security uniform instead. Show of hands for who saw this coming.
Well, that’s it for this week, Kweens! I give this episode 3.75/5 pride flag phone cases. Unfortunately, next week is the season finale (don’t leave us!). Until then, protect your mattresses and deposit your cash in the bank!
