Caroline, Jess, Kylie, and Julia sit down for the first time for the last time and liveblog the thrilling conclusion to Game of Thrones Season 7. This episode, “The Dragon and the Wolf”, has absolutely no scene in particular that they’re looking forward to. None at all. Join along as we all get some spiffing business-casual ideas from Good Queen Cheryl.

If you’d like to play Book Snob BINGO, cards may be found on Kylie’s personal blog here. If you’d like to sing along to the book snob anthem, lyrics can be found here. Otherwise, you can find an archive of our livechat just below our reactions, or have some fun in our comment section, underneath the “you may like” section (just click the button).

We wish you all good fortunes in the wars to come.

Our reactions to the episode

Kylie

That episode…did not need to be 81 minutes. Like, at all. So many things dragged out, and probably 5 minutes could have been saved if the word “cock” had just been edited. CGI wasn’t bad at the end, and Cheryl’s Friday outfit was everything it was meant to be. That said, I’m a little gutted #BoatSex didn’t quite live up to the hype. I mean it was hilarious with Bran’s voice-over, but Deadpan and Jon barely even talked before. This is supposed to be love? She seemed to be looking at him like he was a dolt for half the episode. Was I just projecting?

Highlight: Oy, what the hell even happened here? I’m trying to remember, but every scene is just this biege. I think Bran just outright expo-dumping in a room with Sam made me laugh the hardest. Is that what a highlight is?

I think I’ll actually pick Winterhell though. Not because it was good…no no. Just because 1) Aidan Gillen’s accent was particularly amusing. 2) I laughed when the “Lord Baelish” fake-out happened. 3) We’re meant to believe that at the least, Sansa had been plotting this the whole time. Operation #WasteHisTime. She HAD the Lysa ace in her back pocket for years now. YEARS.

But the real reason it’s great is because of the implications. I’m quite certain Arya was still threatening Sansa on her own accord. So now we have to concoct a brilliant off-screen narrative for Sansa where she is terrified of her sister, somehow chums up to her brother who freaks her out for receipts of crimes she didn’t know Littlefinger committed (or did Bran just volunteer this?), and then decide that this was her ticket into getting in Arya’s good graces or something? Or was she just tired of being creeped on? WHAT IS HER MOTIVATION?

And I fucking hate this show, because all the “Ima cut ur face” bullshit of last week conditioned me so that Arya and Sansa being vaguely nice to each other actually warmed my heart. Even though it involved Sansa calling her the “strongest person she knows.” This is Asami-forgiving-Hiroshi levels of wtf, girl.

Oh and Cheryl the Sneaky Hobbit got me good with that Euron fake-out. Well done!

Lowlight: I was the most enraged at Theon’s fight, because fuck you D&D, you do NOT get to pull that shit after how many eunuch jokes? After how much toxically masculine bullshit messaging regarding Theon’s PTSD? Just no.

But I do actually think the lowlight was when I was clutching my face trying to make sense of what the fuck anyone was talking about in the Dragon Pit. Why was Cheryl so necessary to all their plans? What did this truce actually entail? What was Cheryl asking Jon to do? Why did the Cherry Bomb (wait, Cheryl didn’t miscarry?) change her calculations one minute, but not the next? Or was she committed to this stupid Golden Company plan all along and Jon bending the knee to Deadpan didn’t actually matter? I mean, Euron fucked off before that, so…

Why was TYRION the most important and leveraged voice throughout that entire thing? Why couldn’t Deadpan and Cheryl have actually tried to negotiate something? What army of Cheryl’s is anyone talking about? What has Deadpan taken?

Don’t think too deeply on it, because D&D sure as hell didn’t.

Can’t wait to rewatch this all with Julia and somehow figure out a retrospective structure. Our work is only beginning. But first up…Book Snob Glossary update, methinks.

Julia

That was one of the worst things I ever saw. Just… boring a dumb with enough content for about a third of its run time. And the infatuation with bullshit reunion conversations continues.

The good news is that it’s over for a good 18 months. The bad news is I’m going to feel guilty about not having anything to write in this section.

Highlight: The music was trying very hard. And that scene with Batfinger and Brittany? I feel like it was almost there. Maybe it was just because Sophie Turner, for all her faults, is a very good actor and you could see that “oh shit, I’ve made a huge mistake” moment happening when she realizes what LF has been doing this whole time.

Or maybe I’m just projecting. In any case, the melodrama of the Arya execution fake out just cheapened the whole thing and just made Brittany seen dumb for not doing this two seasons ago. But they lampshaded how much of a slow learner she is, so I guess it’s okay.

Honourable mention to the fact that there was one spoiler that turned out not to be true. The last thing I needed was to watch an on-screen miscarriage.

Lowlight: The #notabastard thing was pretty terrible. But it was also hilarious, so I’ll give it a pass. The worst thing ever was that whole first half hour of my life that I will never get back of people bullshitting about nothing in Cheryl’s Landing. I still have no idea why Deadpan needs a truce with Cheryl to begin with, or when she conquered half the country. And how the fuck did Grey Worm get there? I’m so confused!

There’s another moment that was so low that calling it a lowlight is too generous, but I suspect Kylie will yell about that.

See you in 2019, suckers.

Caroline

Highlight: Actual genuine highlight: that 15-ish seconds when snow was falling on King’s Landing. It had (1) suddenness that evoked a foreboding feelings, (2) actually surprised me, (3) was also calm and serene, like real snow, (4) good music choice, and more importantly (5) Cheryl’s map was featured. What more could I ask for?

Nothing else stands out to me about this episode. It was an episode. Though I need to review Batfinger’s “trial” and get back to you on how the rules of evidence apply to three-eyed raven testimony.

Lowlight: I’m gonna go with Theon’s fist fight with the rando iron islands dude and its terrible implications. First and foremost, this scene adds to the show’s bad pattern of addressing trauma. This is similar to Jaime’s golden hand stopping a sword, but is significantly less comedic. Why is that? Well, I’ve met people in real life who’ve lost their limbs; it’s not that uncommon. It was still tasteless and offensive to have Jaime stop a sword with his hand, but something about Theon’s scene was more than tasteless. Seeing the rando try to kick Theon in the balls, and then Theon triumphing because he was forcibly castrated in the past, was especially cringeworthy. I can’t exactly put my finger on what was so disturbing about it. Maybe it’s because Theon suffered additional trauma, ie all the torture? I’m not sure. What I do know is this calls into question the entire Iron Islands patriarchy identity. So no one will follow Theon because he doesn’t have a penis, but everything changes when they realize not having a penis makes him stronger in the fight? Or do they just not care about the penis and just go with whoever wins? I don’t know, the whole scene was disturbing and unnecessary. Like a lot of this season!

Other lowlight: Deadpan’s hair stayed perfect during boatsex. C’mon Johnny, you’re supposed to be rocking her world! Even Daario gave her crazy sex hair!