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Analysis

A Star Scale: How to Rank Star Wars Media

A long time ago on a website far, far away, Gretchen, Cameron, and I planned on reviewing every episode of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. For a rating system, Cameron suggested we create a scale by which to measure the episodes. Unfortunately, those plans fell through but the rating system remained. Cameron and I have been using it to grade episodes of Star Wars: Rebels, and since Ian, Gretchen, and I now beginning to publish our reviews of the Star Wars movies I thought it best to publish the scale here.

10 Electrifying: YES,YEESSSS! Too good for the galaxy, too pure. Leaves the viewer with a feeling of deep emotional catharsis and stimulation. Worth infinite rewatches with the volume turned all the way up. This rating truly represents the Light Side of the Force.
9 Squee-Worthy. When you are excited about everything here and what it could be and can’t wait to see more. Leaves the viewer with a spring in their step and a song in their heart.
8 Inspiring: Any shortcomings are nothing but small dots on an otherwise perfect

painting. Despite some minor issues, it’s on par with some of the best. I could definitely watch it more than once (or twice).

7 Satisfying: Fantastic! Entertaining! I would be willing to watch it again. It isn’t perfect, but it hits an emotional or thematic sweet spot that leaves you glad you spent time on it.
6 Good: Very watchable and with enough honey-potting it can be considered great. Leaves the viewer with a smile and a desire to see more.
5 Average: It was not bad, it was not good, it was just mediocre. Will leave the viewer feeling ambivalent. The Bendu rating.
4 Watchable: If you are bored, give it a looksee. Does not leave the viewer with any significant emotions other than sadness that there was nothing better to do.
3 Nah: The beginnings of active avoidance. Leaves the viewer with mild discomfort and a hunger for something better.
2 Distasteful: No, I will NEVER watch this episode again. Leaves the viewer angry that they were made to watch this drivel.
1 Abhorrent: Time in my life that I will never get back. Leaves the viewer with confusion as to why this was greenlit for production.
0 Abysmal: Send it to the spice mines of Kessel. Will leave the viewer with a feeling of inescapable melancholy and side effects of watching it have include the blinding of one’s eyes. This rating truly represents the Dark Side of the force. Though it would probably be a decent episode of GoT.

Enjoy your Star Wars stuff!

Author

  • Zach is a complete and total nerd with a Bachelors in Fine Arts. I get passionate about almost anything, but woe betide anyone who gets me started on my Opinions™

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